


back and forth, we are like seesaw

by springblues



Category: Cravity (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Drinking, I Don't Even Know, M/M, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, doctor!wonjin, jungmo was a playboy?, past lovers serillen, woobin mentioned like once
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:48:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27560269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/springblues/pseuds/springblues
Summary: the timing is wrong, even though their hearts remained the same.
Relationships: Allen Ma/Park Serim, Ham Wonjin/Koo Jungmo
Kudos: 31





	back and forth, we are like seesaw

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by loona's seesaw

**woobin** : _pick jungmo at the club, he is alone._

wonjin can’t help but to roll his eyes when he sees the message. oh, come on! he is already in his pajamas, and it's his first time being at home after what seems like decades!

nevertheless, he still jumps out of his bed and reaches for a hoodie—not his, he realises. but then again, he doesn’t have many clean clothes left in the closet. he contemplates for a while, wondering if he should take another for jungmo, before he decides that maybe jungmo deserves to shiver in coldness after what wonjin is about to go through for him. 

is wonjin being petty? he doesn’t think so. everyone, every single one of his friends knows how tight his schedule is, all to fullfill his duty as a doctor. yet there is jungmo, who still chooses to be childish. 

it’s not that wonjin cares about him, but wonjin tends to over-think a lot, so the thought of jungmo driving while he is drunk and possibly getting himself into an accident knocks a door to his heart, and he has no chance but to open up and give in. he can’t live in guilt forever, he doesn’t think so.

in less than 10 minutes, wonjin’s car is already running through the road. a string of curses wouldn’t stop leaving his mouth, all directed to the one and only, koo jungmo. 

as he parks his car, wonjin could see a familiar face there, standing out of a club. the guy is leaning on the wall, lighting up a cigarette. again tonight, wonjin let out an annoyed groan. he leaves his car and walks towards the tall figure, who seems like he is aware of wonjin’s presence. 

"for someone who doesn't want to come, you look cute. where did you get those pants with the chick pattern? is it a pajama set?" the person asks before placing the cigarette between his own lips. wonjin don't hesitate to pull it out and throw it to the floor, before he proceeds to step on it. "hey!"

"allen may hate you, but i know that deep inside he would love to see you at his wedding. he wouldn’t be happy if you die because of your stupiditiy. be a better person and save your lifespan for that, please,” wonjin says, glaring as he keeps twisting his boot over the cigarettes. he stops after he feels satisfied, turning to serim. "what are you even doing here?"

"well," serim takes out a candy from his pocket, tearing off the plastic. "as you know, i own this club.”

_right._

"where is he?” wonjin’s eyes run away from serim’s gaze when the latter gives him a teasing smirk, silently making fun of him. 

"room 9."

wonjin doesn’t wait for another second once serim passes the master card to him. going through the bouncer is an easy task, since they let him in without asking for his id card. probably because they saw him talking to their boss. or maybe because wonjin comes here several times before, all alone, because he needed to clear his mind. 

but here he is, again. for the person that he has been trying to erase from his head. 

wonjin takes a deep breath once he stands in front of the door of the said room. calmly, he slides the key card through, and the door opens. 

he expects to see some girls (or guys— nah, to be honest wonjin doesn’t know what kind of person jungmo would like to have to be his entertainment but from what wonjin saw before, anyone is fine for him) around jungmo, drinking with him. but he is proven wrong when the door reveals what’s behind it. 

jungmo is there, alone, staring at wonjin with crestfallen eyes that are easy to interpret. the gaze that meets wonjin’s eyes isn’t the gaze that makes everyone melt in no time. jungmo’s eyes are empty, yet wonjin knows he’s longing for something. 

**_something that he couldn’t reach; the only thing that wouldn’t come rolling to him, unlike everything else did._ **

"didn’t expect you to actually come. cute pants, by the way."

"if i knew serim is here tonight, i wouldn’t," jungmo groans at the honest reply said with a straight face. how soulless, he thinks. "if you are not in my car in five minutes, i will leave you here."

wonjin turns around to leave, but he stops when jungmo begins to speak again. "am i not enough, wonjin? is there something in me that makes me less than the person you want to be with? tell me, ham wonjin. i will fix myself for you."

_that’s impossible,_ wonjin mutters to himself as his fingers curl into a fist, biting his dry lower lip hard enough for him to scrape off the layer on it. 

"you're drunk."

"i wish," jungmo mutters with a low voice that sends shivers up down wonjin’s spine, and he hears a snicker after. "i wish i'm drunk right now, ham wonjin. i wish i'm drunk to the point i forget that you exist. i wish i'm drunk so i can forget how much i love you. i wish i'm so drunk that i forget that no matter how hard i try, you will never love me back."

"no one forces you to try," wonjin turns back to him, crossing his arms. his gaze sparkles with annoyance and jungmo doesn’t know how to feel when he notices it. so he looks away. 

"right....." jungmo let out another giggle, the hint of sadness doesn’t go unnoticed to wonjin. “i must look so pathetic in your eyes now, right? i am no one, but a guy who's craving for some love from you."

"stop—”

"tell me, wonjin. what am i to you, other than an attention seeker who bothers you all the time?" jungmo stares right into the other’s eyes this time, before his gaze shifts again as he looks down, pouring wine to his glass. 

"a friend, jungmo. a friend, nothing less, nothing more. we went through this already, why can’t you understand that?" wonjin answers nonchalantly. jungmo laughed again, before sipping some of the wine. 

"how about the days we spent together, wonjin? days when i went to see you during competitions, days when you were beside me after my dream university rejected me? we spent so much time together, wonjin. don't tell me you never feel a thing about me," wonjin is quiet, letting jungmo talk as much as he wants. "tell me honestly, is there any space in your heart that's filled with me?"

silence fills the room. wonjin closed his eyes. to be honest, he is confused. he is confused with whatever is happening between him and jungmo, he is confused with his own feelings. at first he was scared, scared that he would be one of the older’s toys—just like everyone else who has dated him before. but the guy got more and more sincere as days passed, and wonjin will be lying if he says he doesn’t feel anything about him, he will be lying if he says jungmo doesn’t give him butterflies. 

but at the same time, he knows, even if he said yes, he won't be able to love jungmo entirely, and that’s selfish. he doesn’t want to hurt jungmo more, even though he knows he is already hurting him right now. 

"i would have accepted you if you asked that years ago, but not now. not after i saw how many people you played.”

_anyone can easily hears how wonjin’s voice is shaking as he utters the sentence, but who are them to change his heart?_

**_wonjin chose this path, and he is going to follow it till the end. there is no turning back, that was never in his life’s dictionary in the first place._ **

not waiting for another second, wonjin leaves the room, tears flowing down his cheeks. his head feels like spinning, his heart feels like it will explode anytime.

he knows, jungmo is probably crying too. maybe regretting his past actions that make it hard for wonjin to trust him. 

as much as he wants to turn back, and tell the guy how much he loves him, he's still scared, scared of something he doesn't know what, scared of something so abstract that he couldn’t define. he knows jungmo wouldn’t treat him the way he treated his past lovers

it takes wonjin a while, but as if nothing happened, he calls allen, kindly asking him to take jungmo home (he may or may not pray for allen to meet serim and for chaos to ensue after), as he walks towards his car. 

calmly, he starts the engine and begins to drive to the hospital again, hoping that the workload could distract him, while jungmo finishes his another bottle of wine, not giving a fuck about what will happen next. 

  
  
  
  
  


_"we should hang out more after the exam ends," jungmo supposed, looking up at the sky, admiring the way the stars scattered all over the never-ending black canvas. it was fascinating, but he liked the view next to him more._

_“i don’t mind,” jungmo smiled, his heart blossoming. he started to move the swing, eyes still staring at the sky. wonjin turned to him, before he looked up too. “the sky is pretty tonight.”_

**_unlike you, who is pretty everyday._ **

_“hope this is a good sign," jungmo said. "a sign that says tomorrow koo jungmo and ham wonjin are going to do well in their exam."_

_“you should do well tomorrow, or else you will embarrass me,” wonjin replied jokingly._

_“right, it will be so embarrassing if i studied with the top student and still fail,” jungmo chuckled at the thought— it would be hard to explain to wonjin that he purposely failed a test so that he can ask wonjin to teach him. “anyway, let’s say i scored the exam, can i ask for something from you?”_

_“isn’t it supposed to be me who asks for something from you?” wonjin joked again, before jungmo saw him nodding from the corner of his eyes. “say it, what is it?”_

_“but if i tell you, you must agree to do it,” wonjin turned to him, and jungmo did too. “it’s nothing bad though, no worries.”_

_“i know,” wonjin paused, thinking. “let’s just wait for the day the result comes out.”_

_“okay,” jungmo was glad that it was pretty dark and wonjin couldn’t see the disappointment displayed on his face when he looked away._

**_much to his dismay, he didn’t score the exam, nor did he confess to wonjin afterwards._ **


End file.
